Breakups can be tough. In the initial phases, we can feel a deep loss and sometimes we think the only thing that can help us survive is to immediately jump into another relationship.
We can go through a myriad of emotions including anger, resentment and depression and beat ourselves up for our perceived relationship failure but after this period of retribution has run its course we can start to see the benefits of being single.
In fact, many women who thought they would never be able to survive without being in a relationship actually make the choice to stay alone after discovering it is not as bad, lonely or socially unacceptable as they envisioned it to be.
Others enjoy the time that they are single and use it to focus on themselves before embarking on a new relationship. The reality is if you have been in a relationship with someone else you can also be alone. The following are a few valid reasons why the longer you’re single, the more you realize these 13 things.
1. Being alone is preferable than being with the wrong person
When you have been in a long term relationship especially it can be easy to think that jumping into the next relationship as soon as possible after a breakup is the best way to move forward, however, this is generally not the case. It is infinitely preferable to stay single and not just hook up with someone to avoid being alone. Don’t lower your standards or settle for bland, instead wait until the right person comes along before you commit yourself.
2. Life is too short to waste on people who make you unhappy
After you have been single for a while you will realize how much happier you feel not being with someone who may have cheated on you, not appreciated you or you continually fought with. You might have put up with a huge amount of s–t in past relationships and you will learn that this is not how a relationship with another person should function. Your time being single will teach you what you do and do not want from your next relationship.
3. If someone is nice it isn’t enough of a reason to make someone right
Being nice is a good trait and it is great to have nice friends, but in a relationship with someone else ‘niceness’ only just isn’t and shouldn’t be enough. Sometimes we stay in these ‘nice’ relationships because they are comfortable and we feel safe but life should be an adventure. The longer you’re single the more you’ll realize that a relationship needs other ingredients besides ‘nice’ including similar interests and sexual compatibility. Being single makes you more independent. It makes you realize you don’t need another person just to make you feel safe and bring you a cup of tea, rather you need a partner who challenges you in a good way and makes you feel alive. Don’t settle for nice.
4. Avoid partnerships that don’t make you feel free
Varieties of freedom should not disappear once you start dating someone. A partner that insists you spend all your time with them and tries to isolate you from hobbies, friends and things you used to do is not the person you should be with. When you are single, you will realize how free you are. No one to check in with on what you would like to do, where you would like to go and who with. When you consider another relationship you will be more likely to insist on never abandoning your right to alone time ever again. In a relationship, we naturally spend a lot of time with our partner and do things together, but no one should hinder you from doing some things yourself. We all need to breathe from time to time.
5. If your happiness is dependent on someone else it will never last
A good partner can enhance your happiness, however, if they’re the ONLY thing making you happy, you will realize this with a bang after a breakup. Being single will motivate you to pursue other things and people that add happiness to your life without being dependent on one single factor. Relationships don’t always last and it is important to work on long-term contentment that doesn’t only stem from one factor. Don’t make someone your everything. Of course, they can be a very important and vital piece of what makes your life special, but you need to find happiness from other sources in your life so you remain resilient if your relationship implodes.
6. Being in a relationship can be great, however it can also be overrated
Sure, being in a relationship can be a great experience and this is what society tells us is the optimal goal. But being in a relationship is not the fairytale it is portrayed as being and they can be stressful. After a breakup we can be really sad thinking that everyone is in coupledom heaven except us but that is not the case. Single people are everywhere and the longer you’re single the more you will realize it is not that bad and even start to love being on your own.
7. It’s much easier to make yourself happy than it is to make someone else happy
Sometimes being in a relationship can be a lot of hard work. Trying to live up to someone’s expectations and striving to keep them happy can become wearing after a while. You might look forward to your next relationship where you can bring a smile to a partner’s face, realizing however that you are not responsible for someone’s eternal happiness. The longer you are single the more you will realize how much easier it is to make yourself happy and not lose yourself next time in the effort to fulfil someone else’s needs without also fulfilling your own.
8. Being with a spend thrift could send you broke
Finances in relationships can be a contemptuous subject. If you are a saver and they are a spender or visa versa this can cause huge voids and even send you bankrupt. The great thing you will realize when you are single is that you are responsible for where your funds go and you won’t experience any more sleepless nights wondering if your partner has smashed the credit card once again. When you enter the dating arena again after being single you will seek out someone who has the same financial outlook as yourself or keep your finances completely separate.
9. Traveling Anytime and Anywhere is possible
When you are single you can pick your own destinations and do what interests you. If you love spontaneous adventures, you need to savour the time when are single.
Single people can pick their own destination and meet new friends along the way
10. Single people are healthier
There’s some evidence that single people indulge in more exercise than those who are in a relationship. According to a study published in The Journal of Marriage and Family those that are divorced partake in more exercise than their married counterparts, however the most active are those who are single. A further study published in the journal Social Science and Medicine showed that single people in nine European countries had a lower Body Mass Index (BMI) than married people, and overall weighed around five pounds less. This doesn’t mean that everyone in a relationship forsakes exercising but maybe it is something to remember when you are single and when you do go into a new relationship remember to keep up exercising for your healths sake.
11. Being single can mean being more successful at work
According to DePaulo single people are more likely to value meaningful work. A relationship takes a lot of energy and work when you become single you have more quality time to put into your career. Also being able to take trips and to travel alone for extended periods of time when necessary can open up more opportunities that you wouldn’t normally have if you are tied down.
12. Don’t look back with regrets
We all know couples that stay together for whatever reason even though they are not compatible or happy. While you are single think of the positive aspect that you did not waste decades of your life with the wrong partner. Enjoy your single time to grow and be glad that no matter how sad you feel over the breakout, it happened for a reason and look forward not back.
13. True love is worth the wait
Being single for a period of time will help you appreciate real love when it comes. Imagine settling for less than perfect out of loneliness or the fear of being alone. True love could be just around the corner. Don’t settle for anything less than someone who loves and accepts you 100 per cent for who you are. The longer you are single the less likely you are to accept second best.